They Make a Pill for That!

What a difference drugs make! I went to the doctor and she was very happy I was in therapy, so much so she mentioned it three times in about 20 min! After our discussion and my uncontrollable crying (I do it every time I'm in her office) I left with my prescription in hand. I head to Walgreens to fill the prescription, fighting back the tears. (Side Note: once I start crying it is really hard for me to stop). I get the pills, supper, and head home. Once home I fill in Chouli through IM, take my pill, and eat supper while watching the Golden Girls. After eating I lay on the couch and get lost in the Golden Girls. They are my happy place and help me escape my overactive brain.

As I lay there I've finally lost the urge to cry and kind of lose that sinking feeling I'd had all day. It has been about 2 hrs after I took the pill and I got up and started cleaning my disaster of a house. I started off slow; putting dishes in the kitchen then the dishwasher, cleaned out my fridge. Then I started to feel even better and gathered up all of my trash and took it out, washed my towels and sheets, cleaned out my closet, and put all the laundry away. It has been months since I did my laundry and put it away. After all of the crying then all of the cleaning I go to bed and sleep great!

I wake up the next morning and go get my hair cut, go paint a piece of pottery, go work out, then head to the grocery store. I hadn't been to the store in at least a month. As most of you know I HATE grocery shopping. I get annoyed with people and anxious about spending money, cooking, food going bad, and eating it. Most of the time I buy it all and cook a third of it and the rest goes bad. I digress, I went and actually enjoyed it! I think this is a sign of the apocalypse!! It was Saturday evening so it was fairly crowded and people were their usual selves, but it didn't get to me. I stopped worrying about them and just got my food, payed and left. AND, when I paid I didn't even have to take a deep breath or fight back tears or a foul mood...an entirely new experience for me! I even went home put all my groceries away and cooked. It was great!

Since then I have been in a good mood most of the time and even if I get sad or angry it doesn't last long at all. This morning I spilled a glass of tea in my seat in my car. I looked like I had a bladder control problem and my seat and carpet were soaked. I just cleaned it out and went to work. By the time I got to work my pants were dry and everything was fine. The old me would've been in a bad mood the rest of the day and just thought about how stupid I was to spill my tea. Now I think it happens, oh well.

I'm aware the medicine isn't supposed to work this fast and this could be the placebo affect, but given my general pessimistic attitude and overwhelming feeling of hopelessness prior to taking the pill I don't think it is. It hasn't gone away and I'm certainly not a sickenly happy person now, I just seem to have a better handle on life. I want to thank everyone for their support (especially Aunt Ro), advice, and information. It has been VERY helpful.